The Gift of Laughter

Laughter is a wonderful gift, and one we haven't had nearly enough of around here lately.  So as our Christmas gift to any of you who might be reading this, we hope to share a little laughter with you.  Here are a collection of funny quotes from our kids, saved up on post-it notes and other scraps of paper.  Enjoy!

Josiah—“When I grow up into Emma, I’m going to have some underwear!”

Josiah—“Mom, do you like tomatoes?”

Me—“Not by themselves, but if they’re in something, then I like them.”
Josiah—“Well this is in something.”  (Offering me some pretend tomatoes)

Me—“What’s it in?”
Josiah—“A spoon!”

Ashlyn—“Mom, have I ever tried one of those candies that looks like noses?  You know, the orange and white ones?”  (She was talking about candy corns, though it took a little more Q&A, because I didn’t think they looked like noses.)

Funny things little boys say:

"Someday when I'm a mommy..."

At dinner one night Josiah said (through tears), "I think a turnip would make me feel better. Dad, can you get out a turnip?"

Josiah—“I don’t like speed bumps.”

Me—“Why not?”

Josiah—“Because they make me angry.”

Me—“Why?”

Josiah—“Because they make me tired, and I don’t like that!”

Josiah got in trouble and was in a time out. When time was up, I asked him if he understood why he had a time out. He said, "Yes, because I hurt Ashlyn with my hand and my eyebrows." Man, I hate when my kids use their eyebrows as weapons!

Ashlyn—"Mom, yogurt and peanut butter taste horribly yucky together. They taste like a tree trunk."

Good to know. Makes me wonder how many tree trunks she's tasted.

Josiah—“I don’t want bananas.”

Me—“Why not?”

Josiah—“Because banana makes me fall.”

Gotta love five-year-old logic (and reading). Ashlyn saw the movie title, "Les Miserables," and after studying it for a minute, she announced, "I know what this means! It means there were some miserables, and then some of them got killed or lost, and then there were less of them."

Ashlyn—"I'm still hungry! I need some more spinach!"

Me—"That's not something children usually say."

Josiah ran into the room and jumped to a stop. Then he loudly and proudly announced, "I killed a 'pider web!" Then he turned and ran out of the room.

Ashlyn—"I like stuffed animals better than people."

After a long day at the state fair, I asked Josiah, “What was your favorite food today?”  He replied, “I don’t know—probably a treat.”  (Fair enough—the kids got quite a few treats that day.)  I also asked him, “What was your favorite thing we did today?”  He said, “The thing where daddy sat on me on the fairest wheel.”

Josiah told me he was going to play “going to the doctor’s office.”  I asked, “What is the doctor going to do?”  To which he replied, “Shot me.”

Ashlyn was playing with her stuffed animal dolphin when Josiah came in and I heard the following:

Ashlyn—“Hey, Josiah, do you want to try milking her? (referring to the dolphin)  She likes milk.  Here is her bottle of milk.”

When his pretend train is about to leave the station, Josiah yells, "All the born!" (instead of “all aboard”) Guess that means *everyone* better get on!

I asked Josiah what he wanted on his pasta, and he told me, "salt, cheese, and raisins!"

Things only a mother would say: "You do not hit people with the cow!"

Josiah told me, “My Elmo makes me hurt.”  (He meant his eyebrow hurt—he got a bump on it.)

Ashlyn was watching a man who was planting some bushes in our front yard when we had the following exchange.

Ashlyn—“Is he going to dig up everything?”

Me—“Yes.”

Ashlyn—“Even the weeds?”

Me—“Yep.”

Ashlyn—“But those are my favorite weeds!”

Josiah was playing and said his “guys” were going to a “presentation.”  I asked him what kind of presentation they were going to and he said, “A wrapping one.”  I asked what was being presented and he said, “The presentation.”

Josiah—“Mom, can you come in the kitchen?”

Me—“What do you need.”

Josiah—“I want to talk to you.”

Me—“What do you want to talk about?”

Josiah—“When is Norah coming?”

(He was a little obsessed with our friend’s teenage daughter.)

Ashlyn was complaining her leg hurt, so I asked her what happened.  She replied, “I scrammed the bone.”

Josiah said to me in the parking lot, “Can you carry my hand?”  (Always)  ;)